Railroad Perfection – #12

Anna – Sure, it was a strange time.  I didn’t know when we would ever see each other again.  I was a mess.  We’d just gotten engaged and I hadn’t even really thought about that yet.  My mother, she had to put up with me crying in the front seat as we drove away.  Just a mess.

Damian – I wasn’t a mess but it felt strange.  I went back inside, closed the front door, and then I just sort of looked around the place.  I knew that you wouldn’t be back for a long time and, worse, an unknown amount of time, but I don’t think that my feelings had quite caught up to my thoughts.  I felt disassociated from myself.  Like I was watching myself do these really ordinary activities.

Anna – You were bamboozled.

Damian – Yes.  Yes that’s it.  What a great word.  It sounds like what it is.  The essence of it, I mean.  But you feel things more immediately.

Anna – I do.  I think about things later, and at first it’s just emotion and feeling.  Not a lot of complexity.  It’s not overwhelming so much as a sensation of being caught up in an enormous swell.  I’m still me, I’m still thinking and conscious and engaged, but all around me I am dealing with crashing waves and they batter down my resistance to.  To I don’t know what, but something, and it’s something I need to hold on to.  And then later I really withdraw in order to think.

Damian – I’ve seen that.

Anna – It’s not intentional but I have to process.

Damian – Yes.

Anna – Damian!  Out there, can you see that?  It’s like an explosion.  I don’t even know –

Damian – My god, what is that?  What’s happening?  There’s another.  And another.  Is this real?

Anna – Behind us, too, but I can’t see, there’s no window.  There’s smoke everywhere.

Damian – There’s smoke everywhere.

Anna – I wonder if –

Part of the Railroad Perfection series


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